This week has been a disaster - think I have had a total of 2 days on plan. The rest, well lets not go there in too much detail. Some nights I've been too exhausted to do anything other than crawl into bed, some days I've had to try and work on my essay and 2/3 days this week I forgot all my packs in the morning and my SS+ lunch. I couldn't/wouldn't spend all day on a ward and not eat anything, so off to the canteen. Its all bread based.
End up I think I've put on 4-5lbs, I'm not sure as I avoided the scales this morning and asked my CDC not to tell me my weight as I didn't want to know this week, and she can tell me my new weight when I next see her in a fortnight.
So NO weight updates for a while, might look at updating weight next week.
Moved up to 810 plan today too, thats proven a lifesaver today.
Menu: 400g tofu and yellow courgettes, 2 choc tetras, skimmed milk and a peanut bar
Drinks: 2 cups coffee, 3 L water.
Exercise: toddling about town with a really heavy backpack on for a hour or two (was full of 20 tetras plus juice).
Weight: Who knows?
Sorry I've not been about much. Placement has been manic. I've been manic. The whole worlds been manic.
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Sunday. BBQ Day
Well scales show a 1lb gain this morning, which to be honest I'm okay with as yesterdays all time low was 11st 4, suspiciously low. So not too gutted scales are 1lb up, its probably water and will disappear for official weigh in on Saturday.
Also this is my 12th week on SS/SS+ and as of next Sat I will be moving up to the 810 plan. So there we go then.
Todays BBQ went a bit awry, had 2 tuna steaks prepared and some salad for my SS+ friendly meal. Went a bit off plan and ended up eating 4 skinny skinless sausages, and a wee bit if husbands pork. We also had to use my water for the dog and BBQ extinguishing so drink was 500ml of Pepsi Max. Oh and 3 cherries.
Its not massively off plan, but bet its enough to skew the scales. At least if I have a wee upwards tilt I know why though.
However I am on placement for 5 weeks. 5 weeks of heavy duty walking and patient care. Have decided in order to deal with demands of day will split SS+ days as follows.
B: Vanilla latte shake ( I made this into a mousse yesterday and OMG I nearly died*)
L: SS+ meal of whatever and veggies, Choc tetra
D: Last shake/soup
I know this throws off my usual pattern of shake spacing, but I have a feeling I will need the extra fuel during the day when on placement.
*I nearly died from pleasure and divorce was pending. I'm sitting there eating this mousse that was like Tiramisu going "Oh. My. God. Mmmmm. Ooooh." Pausing only to breathe, lick the spoon and eat more. Husband not impressed. Not made those kind of noises for a good while. . .
Also this is my 12th week on SS/SS+ and as of next Sat I will be moving up to the 810 plan. So there we go then.
Todays BBQ went a bit awry, had 2 tuna steaks prepared and some salad for my SS+ friendly meal. Went a bit off plan and ended up eating 4 skinny skinless sausages, and a wee bit if husbands pork. We also had to use my water for the dog and BBQ extinguishing so drink was 500ml of Pepsi Max. Oh and 3 cherries.
Its not massively off plan, but bet its enough to skew the scales. At least if I have a wee upwards tilt I know why though.
However I am on placement for 5 weeks. 5 weeks of heavy duty walking and patient care. Have decided in order to deal with demands of day will split SS+ days as follows.
B: Vanilla latte shake ( I made this into a mousse yesterday and OMG I nearly died*)
L: SS+ meal of whatever and veggies, Choc tetra
D: Last shake/soup
I know this throws off my usual pattern of shake spacing, but I have a feeling I will need the extra fuel during the day when on placement.
*I nearly died from pleasure and divorce was pending. I'm sitting there eating this mousse that was like Tiramisu going "Oh. My. God. Mmmmm. Ooooh." Pausing only to breathe, lick the spoon and eat more. Husband not impressed. Not made those kind of noises for a good while. . .
Thursday, 18 June 2009
BMI 25 HERE I COME!
BMI this morning? 25.8!
Hell yeah!
Thats because the scales are sitting at 160lbs, or in old money, 11st 6lbs exactly. I've dropped 2lbs since yesterday!
Oh man SS+ is the way forward.
Je suis tres excite! I'm not even sure thats real French. I don't care.
Menu: Choc Mint shake, Tetra, Tomato Soup, Cottage cheese and mushroom (Asda cheese)
Drinks: Aiming for a round 3- 3.5L today
Weight: 160lbs, 11st 6 (yay!)
Mood: Good because yesterday I passed my driving test!
Hell yeah!
Thats because the scales are sitting at 160lbs, or in old money, 11st 6lbs exactly. I've dropped 2lbs since yesterday!
Oh man SS+ is the way forward.
Je suis tres excite! I'm not even sure thats real French. I don't care.
Menu: Choc Mint shake, Tetra, Tomato Soup, Cottage cheese and mushroom (Asda cheese)
Drinks: Aiming for a round 3- 3.5L today
Weight: 160lbs, 11st 6 (yay!)
Mood: Good because yesterday I passed my driving test!
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Wednesday
Well scale results.
Woke up about 6am - 11st 8lbs exactly
Went back to bed.
Woke up at 10:30 - 11st 6.8 lbs
Obviously lie ins rock anyway - but will stick to the 11st 8lbs one, I feel validated. I was happy with 11st 8 anyway, if the scales show something better tomorrow then thats also fabulous.
Happy days
Todays meal is cottage cheese. From Sainsburys :( Avoid it. Its not curdy at all, its like thick lumpy yoghurt. The Asda one at least has good solid lumps of cheese curd - this though is just like yoghurt thats went off (yes I know thats all cheese is anyway but still)
Not relishing the thought of that later on, let me tell you.
Update: Its boggin'. Its like thrush in a tub. I'm sticking to Asda. It might be considered the cheap version but at least it tastes nice.
Woke up about 6am - 11st 8lbs exactly
Went back to bed.
Woke up at 10:30 - 11st 6.8 lbs
Obviously lie ins rock anyway - but will stick to the 11st 8lbs one, I feel validated. I was happy with 11st 8 anyway, if the scales show something better tomorrow then thats also fabulous.
Happy days
Todays meal is cottage cheese. From Sainsburys :( Avoid it. Its not curdy at all, its like thick lumpy yoghurt. The Asda one at least has good solid lumps of cheese curd - this though is just like yoghurt thats went off (yes I know thats all cheese is anyway but still)
Not relishing the thought of that later on, let me tell you.
Update: Its boggin'. Its like thrush in a tub. I'm sticking to Asda. It might be considered the cheap version but at least it tastes nice.
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Lost it - Found it?
Think am properly back on track - thats 2 whole 100% days :D
Doesn't sound like much but when I've been struggling so much its amazing. Feeling very focused. Long may it continue.
Hoping for a wee scale move tomorrow as reinforcement. Or the other thing that I have tomorrow going well. Its a secret until I know otherwise.
Manky mouth taste today which is reassuring ketosis wise.
Hoping by Saturday I could be 11st 6 something. That would be nice!
Only 9lbs to go to a healthy BMI - Thats going to be my new mantra. Aprt from the 9lbs bit which I hope changes significantly obviously.
Doesn't sound like much but when I've been struggling so much its amazing. Feeling very focused. Long may it continue.
Hoping for a wee scale move tomorrow as reinforcement. Or the other thing that I have tomorrow going well. Its a secret until I know otherwise.
Manky mouth taste today which is reassuring ketosis wise.
Hoping by Saturday I could be 11st 6 something. That would be nice!
Only 9lbs to go to a healthy BMI - Thats going to be my new mantra. Aprt from the 9lbs bit which I hope changes significantly obviously.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Had it, Lost it♠
Really struggled the past few days. The diet itself isn't the problem, its my head. I have lost my motivation. Turns out that working on building my confidence and getting rid of my fat head is a double edged sword. It would appear I needed that to drive me on.
I have stalled on my diet progress. The weights stalled because my head has stalled. I don't feel the same need to keep running from teh 15st 6 person I used to be, because now I don't see that when I look in the mirror. I see someone who need to perhaps lose a few pounds but not someone I would call obese. I'm starting to like myself and as a result that focus to really effect change has gone.
And I can't seem to get it back.
I don't want to stop here, but I'm creating humps for myself. I'm creating problems where there aren't any. I'm picking and bingeing and promising new starts the next day, and not happening. Why?
Am thinking of setting very small weight targets, say 4lbs at a time. Thats the only way I'm going to be able to do this.
I'm dreading placement, dreading it, because I can't make my Quorn lunches as a stir fry. I don't want a cottage cheese everyday for 5 weeks placement, and I know I'll get grief over a shake for lunch. Problem is when I was heavier that was okay because I could justify it by saying "look at me" I have so much to lose. Now though, I can't use that because I don't really beleive it myself and know I'll allow myself to talk myself off the plan.
I want my motivation back.
I'm also pissed off at my body too, so think I'm eating out of anger. Like self harming with food.
I look at the boards and I see people who are either the same height as me, and weigh more but in a smaller size and I think "how?!?", I see people who weigh slightly less than me but are half a foot shorter and 2 dress sizes smaller. And I just sit and think whats the point? I mean I can diet until the cows come home, but I'm never going to be a size 12/10 (and I'm most certainly not if I keep arsing about like this) but I just don't get it. I've even tried looking at it in terms of BMI as that should be an evener, but no. I'm still way out of where other people say they are.
I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a bitch, but I just can't see where I'm going wrong.
Maybe I just can't do this anymore. Maybe I should just give up. I don't want to give up, but the not wanting to continue either seems to be winning a bit more.
Despondent here man, fuckin' depondent.
I have stalled on my diet progress. The weights stalled because my head has stalled. I don't feel the same need to keep running from teh 15st 6 person I used to be, because now I don't see that when I look in the mirror. I see someone who need to perhaps lose a few pounds but not someone I would call obese. I'm starting to like myself and as a result that focus to really effect change has gone.
And I can't seem to get it back.
I don't want to stop here, but I'm creating humps for myself. I'm creating problems where there aren't any. I'm picking and bingeing and promising new starts the next day, and not happening. Why?
Am thinking of setting very small weight targets, say 4lbs at a time. Thats the only way I'm going to be able to do this.
I'm dreading placement, dreading it, because I can't make my Quorn lunches as a stir fry. I don't want a cottage cheese everyday for 5 weeks placement, and I know I'll get grief over a shake for lunch. Problem is when I was heavier that was okay because I could justify it by saying "look at me" I have so much to lose. Now though, I can't use that because I don't really beleive it myself and know I'll allow myself to talk myself off the plan.
I want my motivation back.
I'm also pissed off at my body too, so think I'm eating out of anger. Like self harming with food.
I look at the boards and I see people who are either the same height as me, and weigh more but in a smaller size and I think "how?!?", I see people who weigh slightly less than me but are half a foot shorter and 2 dress sizes smaller. And I just sit and think whats the point? I mean I can diet until the cows come home, but I'm never going to be a size 12/10 (and I'm most certainly not if I keep arsing about like this) but I just don't get it. I've even tried looking at it in terms of BMI as that should be an evener, but no. I'm still way out of where other people say they are.
I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a bitch, but I just can't see where I'm going wrong.
Maybe I just can't do this anymore. Maybe I should just give up. I don't want to give up, but the not wanting to continue either seems to be winning a bit more.
Despondent here man, fuckin' depondent.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Today, mixed day
Woke up at 4 am taking a hypo - sure sign TOTM is due. Ate chocolate. Don't care, it was either that or honey.
Woke up at 6 with stomach cramp and urge to go to loo. Again sure sign, hormonal signals being sent to all smooth muscle cells, TOTM must be due.
Woke up at 9am with TOTM EVERYWHERE!
Which is good as, at least its arrived. Off into town for a viewing at the cinema, and watched Red Cliff, highly recommended. Very good.
Weight 11st 9lbs, not expecting miracles this week although miracle of 4lbs would be lovely please to take me to 11st 5.
Menu: Vanilla Latte shake, Quorn and Celery stirfry (also flies as forgot to wash celery, yay for protein), Choc Tetra and a porridge
Drinks: Black Coffee and 3 litres of water (so far)
Mood: Alright, bit crampy and heavy feeling but generally okay
Have to say though, very much enjoying SS+, really looking forward to 810 now in 9lbs time.
In 9lbs time I will be in a healthy weight and have a BMI of 25! Very excited!
Woke up at 6 with stomach cramp and urge to go to loo. Again sure sign, hormonal signals being sent to all smooth muscle cells, TOTM must be due.
Woke up at 9am with TOTM EVERYWHERE!
Which is good as, at least its arrived. Off into town for a viewing at the cinema, and watched Red Cliff, highly recommended. Very good.
Weight 11st 9lbs, not expecting miracles this week although miracle of 4lbs would be lovely please to take me to 11st 5.
Menu: Vanilla Latte shake, Quorn and Celery stirfry (also flies as forgot to wash celery, yay for protein), Choc Tetra and a porridge
Drinks: Black Coffee and 3 litres of water (so far)
Mood: Alright, bit crampy and heavy feeling but generally okay
Have to say though, very much enjoying SS+, really looking forward to 810 now in 9lbs time.
In 9lbs time I will be in a healthy weight and have a BMI of 25! Very excited!
Friday, 12 June 2009
Day... Oh day something
Lost track of where I am diet wise.
Anyway no matter as .....Weight this morning 11st 9lbs, which is good. Sole Source plus obviously working out fine.
Todays menu was:
Choc mint shake, Quorn and Broccoli Curry, 2 coffees with Choc tetra, Leek Potato soup
Drinks: About 3L of water again today.
Exercise: None
There really is nothing much more to report, a very boring day here to be honest.
Anyway no matter as .....Weight this morning 11st 9lbs, which is good. Sole Source plus obviously working out fine.
Todays menu was:
Choc mint shake, Quorn and Broccoli Curry, 2 coffees with Choc tetra, Leek Potato soup
Drinks: About 3L of water again today.
Exercise: None
There really is nothing much more to report, a very boring day here to be honest.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Ewwww
11st 11lbs still. Feel like have been this weight for weeks, which in fairness I have.
Yesterday went well, although i did eat todays chicken allowance yesterday. Not great.
I am horrendously bloated today. Think have put on a whole dress size in space of the day.
Ugh. Feel like waddling through to bed for a nap. Also V tired.
Periods no doubt rearing thier ugly heads as also all spotty, had better come this time.
Yesterday went well, although i did eat todays chicken allowance yesterday. Not great.
I am horrendously bloated today. Think have put on a whole dress size in space of the day.
Ugh. Feel like waddling through to bed for a nap. Also V tired.
Periods no doubt rearing thier ugly heads as also all spotty, had better come this time.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Struggling
Yesterday was going fine up until Midnight. And then I cracked. Why didn't I just stay in bed?
Ended up eating 2 packets of crisps
2 slices malt loaf
Coffee with milk
and 2 slices of toast with peppered ham.
I'm struggling to get my weight past 11st 11. I look as if I'm getting past it, then I stop and go off rails.
Do I want to get to goal. I'm aiming for 10st 7. Its not unreasonable. I don't know whats wrong with me at the moment. Binge, guilt, back on track, binge guilt back on track until its all seamlessly blending into one.
Ended up eating 2 packets of crisps
2 slices malt loaf
Coffee with milk
and 2 slices of toast with peppered ham.
I'm struggling to get my weight past 11st 11. I look as if I'm getting past it, then I stop and go off rails.
Do I want to get to goal. I'm aiming for 10st 7. Its not unreasonable. I don't know whats wrong with me at the moment. Binge, guilt, back on track, binge guilt back on track until its all seamlessly blending into one.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Day 2 of SS+
Well day 1 (yesterday) went okay without a hitch, apart from me eating one extra lettuce leaf and quite frankly I'm letting that one slide.
Weight this morning was 11st 11, so dropping nicely so far.
Menu: Porridge, tetra and choc mint shake. 200G Quorn and stir fried lettuce, with chilli powder
Water: So far 2.5 L down and a cup of coffee but need to try and push another litre in
Mood: Hungry. Hate this restarting. Keeping busy.
And thats really all for today
Weight this morning was 11st 11, so dropping nicely so far.
Menu: Porridge, tetra and choc mint shake. 200G Quorn and stir fried lettuce, with chilli powder
Water: So far 2.5 L down and a cup of coffee but need to try and push another litre in
Mood: Hungry. Hate this restarting. Keeping busy.
And thats really all for today
Monday, 8 June 2009
Well I'm back on track
After last weeks binge had really struggled to get back in the game. End result weigh in means 1.5lbs on.
Totally deserved. However, I am totally back on track now, If I can get below 11st 10 this week I will be very pleased.
CDC is away on holiday for 2 weeks so won't see her for a fortnight, so I'm on my own (other than the fab support at Minimins) and we'll see how it goes
Have moved up to SS+ as I really wasn't coping on SS. I think I got to the stage I needed some food. And I'm reasoning may as well be food on plan compared to food off plan, leading to stalls, feeling rubbish and coming off.
I don't have that far to go. I'm going to get there. I almost have a BMI of in the 25's. I am not giving in.
So
Menu: 2 shakes, 1 porridge, and 225g Cottage cheese, portabello mushroom.
Drinks: Aiming for at least 3L of still water today
Mood: Very very focused, after last weeks self examination and time off plan
Weight: 11st 12.5 (to be expected)
Totally deserved. However, I am totally back on track now, If I can get below 11st 10 this week I will be very pleased.
CDC is away on holiday for 2 weeks so won't see her for a fortnight, so I'm on my own (other than the fab support at Minimins) and we'll see how it goes
Have moved up to SS+ as I really wasn't coping on SS. I think I got to the stage I needed some food. And I'm reasoning may as well be food on plan compared to food off plan, leading to stalls, feeling rubbish and coming off.
I don't have that far to go. I'm going to get there. I almost have a BMI of in the 25's. I am not giving in.
So
Menu: 2 shakes, 1 porridge, and 225g Cottage cheese, portabello mushroom.
Drinks: Aiming for at least 3L of still water today
Mood: Very very focused, after last weeks self examination and time off plan
Weight: 11st 12.5 (to be expected)
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
The binge list
2 Kit Kat Senses
A Lion Bar
3 ryvita with ginger jam
pasta and meatballs
2 bits fruit loaf and butter
2 bits bread
1 packet crisps
2 coffee with whole milk
Ritz and Philidelphia snack pack
150g chicken breast
a bit of coconut macaroon
I disgust myself. I really do, I'm actually so lost today I worry about finding myself tomorrow.
A Lion Bar
3 ryvita with ginger jam
pasta and meatballs
2 bits fruit loaf and butter
2 bits bread
1 packet crisps
2 coffee with whole milk
Ritz and Philidelphia snack pack
150g chicken breast
a bit of coconut macaroon
I disgust myself. I really do, I'm actually so lost today I worry about finding myself tomorrow.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Driving Test 1 - Me 0
I failed my driving test. I think that I was justified though.
Apparently I clipped my wing mirror on a sign - didn't hear it, feel it or anything, but fair enough, its a my word against theirs scenario. So meh. This was 2 majors here.
Second fault - Coming down a road. 3 cars in front of me (not indicated by the way) pull out into oncoming lane and over take another leaner driver stopped in middle of the road, so I slow down, learner not moving. I stopped and then checked no more oncoming traffic, pulled out into oncoming lane and continued on my merry way. Apparently the stopping was the fault (viewed as a failure to plan ahead) - the 3 cars that went before me should have been a step for a hint. Fair enough but I explained that whilst they may have felt it was safe to do so, I wasn't sure it was so liked to check first. I think it was the stopping first though. Either way can't argue with them can I?
Fuckin' Nazis man.
Retest is booked.
Apparently I clipped my wing mirror on a sign - didn't hear it, feel it or anything, but fair enough, its a my word against theirs scenario. So meh. This was 2 majors here.
Second fault - Coming down a road. 3 cars in front of me (not indicated by the way) pull out into oncoming lane and over take another leaner driver stopped in middle of the road, so I slow down, learner not moving. I stopped and then checked no more oncoming traffic, pulled out into oncoming lane and continued on my merry way. Apparently the stopping was the fault (viewed as a failure to plan ahead) - the 3 cars that went before me should have been a step for a hint. Fair enough but I explained that whilst they may have felt it was safe to do so, I wasn't sure it was so liked to check first. I think it was the stopping first though. Either way can't argue with them can I?
Fuckin' Nazis man.
Retest is booked.
Happy June! - Day 60
Morning. Not much to report. Might edit this later when I do have something to report.
Weight this morning, 11st 9.1lbs.
Damn you pesky 0.2 of a lb. I could have been 11st 8 (something).
Tommorow its going though. Oh yes.
Weight this morning, 11st 9.1lbs.
Damn you pesky 0.2 of a lb. I could have been 11st 8 (something).
Tommorow its going though. Oh yes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)