Today and yesterday going very well. 100% all the way.
Only downer is I seem to have got sunburnt again. In Glasgow. Whats that all about?
Nothing really to report, hanging there. Very hungry today, but this too shall pass.
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Day 57 - I'm back in
Righty. "Crappy" 0.75lbs loss this week. Discussed with counsellor what was going on. Discussed moving up plans and what this might entail. After much discussion we agreed that I should try one more week on SS and see how I get on at the end of the week.
If I lose weight at end of the week, then I have to stay on SS until I reach weight of 11stone 3lbs.
If I don't lose weight then I will move up a plan a bit earlier.
Either way the end is in sight.
Oh and I'm also resolving to stay off the scales this week. This may be harder than I anticipate.
If I lose weight at end of the week, then I have to stay on SS until I reach weight of 11stone 3lbs.
If I don't lose weight then I will move up a plan a bit earlier.
Either way the end is in sight.
Oh and I'm also resolving to stay off the scales this week. This may be harder than I anticipate.
Friday, 29 May 2009
I give up - day 56
still 11 st 10, I think we can count this week as a stall.
Have decided to move up plans. The way I see it I have 10lbs to go to BMI 25, and theres not as much of a rush as there was initially.
Looking like SS+ or 810 for me then. Will discuss with counsellor on Sat and see what she suggests.
Have decided to move up plans. The way I see it I have 10lbs to go to BMI 25, and theres not as much of a rush as there was initially.
Looking like SS+ or 810 for me then. Will discuss with counsellor on Sat and see what she suggests.
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Finally
11st 10lbs.
Think this week has been an inch loss week.
Possibly might have to move up plans earlier. I don't know yet. We'll see.
Hopefully can shift another 2.5lbs by Saturday to keep on track for planned weight loss this week but I doubt it, I mean I cant make by body go any faster, so just have to wait and see. I am not a machine and weight loss is not linear. Wanted this week to be 11st 8lbs, but I don't hink thats achievable. Ah well, will come in time I suppose.
Think I might have to avoid the forums for a bit too, getting a bit too much at times. Can't really verbalise it but there you go.
Think this week has been an inch loss week.
Possibly might have to move up plans earlier. I don't know yet. We'll see.
Hopefully can shift another 2.5lbs by Saturday to keep on track for planned weight loss this week but I doubt it, I mean I cant make by body go any faster, so just have to wait and see. I am not a machine and weight loss is not linear. Wanted this week to be 11st 8lbs, but I don't hink thats achievable. Ah well, will come in time I suppose.
Think I might have to avoid the forums for a bit too, getting a bit too much at times. Can't really verbalise it but there you go.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Jeezo!
11st 11lbs exactly this morning.
Thats a massive 1.5lbs drop since yesterday. Roll on Saturday weigh in! :D
only have 18lbs left to shed.
Thats a massive 1.5lbs drop since yesterday. Roll on Saturday weigh in! :D
only have 18lbs left to shed.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Whoo ! Lie ins rock!
Thats me
11 stone
12.5lbs.
Yee ha!
That is all, away for exam prep at uni. Speak to everyone later
11 stone
12.5lbs.
Yee ha!
That is all, away for exam prep at uni. Speak to everyone later
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Its nice!
Thats it guys
11st 13.7lbs
Alright I've dropped 0.5lbs since yesterday but thats cool.
In in the 11's. Go me etc.
11st 13.7lbs
Alright I've dropped 0.5lbs since yesterday but thats cool.
In in the 11's. Go me etc.
Monday, 18 May 2009
Day 45
Still 12stone, but was 12st 0.2lbs instead of 12st 0.75lbs on Saturday and do you know what thats fine.
I only have 4 weeks left on SS, so what comes off comes off regardless. I am totally chilled about my weight. Its fine dude, its all fine.
Saying that, I hope I am in the 11's tomorrow. That would be nice, not essential but nice. Not expecting my whoosh til near the end of the week.
Next week I'm going to try the no weigh challenge for a week. Should be ... interesting to see if I can do it.
On a side note, periods still not flippin' here, beginning to get annoyed now. And most definitely not pregnant. Don't think I'll bother going to docs this month, will go on 15th June if nothing arrives
I only have 4 weeks left on SS, so what comes off comes off regardless. I am totally chilled about my weight. Its fine dude, its all fine.
Saying that, I hope I am in the 11's tomorrow. That would be nice, not essential but nice. Not expecting my whoosh til near the end of the week.
Next week I'm going to try the no weigh challenge for a week. Should be ... interesting to see if I can do it.
On a side note, periods still not flippin' here, beginning to get annoyed now. And most definitely not pregnant. Don't think I'll bother going to docs this month, will go on 15th June if nothing arrives
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Day 43
Well its the start of week 7. Day 42 was the end of week 6. Stupid brain.
Weigh in went well today. 12st (and a wee bit of a pound0 but I'm not counting.
12 STONE PEOPLE!
11's next week then. Easily.
I also purchased some "Fibre 89" which you add to shakes to make them a bit more well, fibrous really. I wonder if the extra 5g of a fibre a day will make a huge difference if at all? We'll see I suppose.
Anyway, not much to report now.
Weigh in went well today. 12st (and a wee bit of a pound0 but I'm not counting.
12 STONE PEOPLE!
11's next week then. Easily.
I also purchased some "Fibre 89" which you add to shakes to make them a bit more well, fibrous really. I wonder if the extra 5g of a fibre a day will make a huge difference if at all? We'll see I suppose.
Anyway, not much to report now.
Friday, 15 May 2009
Moan
During placement today I had an epiphany moment, I think I've realised in part why I sabotage myself. Its a confidence thing, in many respects.
Outwardly I project myself as confident, I have heard myself described as "a laugh" "funny" "life and soul" "straight talking" and various other things which make me sound confident, and a very kind of "My own person" kinda personality. However I only feel like this around certain people, most of the time I am extremely uncertain of myself and lacking in confidence. I feel like I'm useless, fat, lazy, clumsy, ugly and that people only spend time with me because they feel sorry for me. I mean who would want to be my real friend? When I contribute to conversations I immediately feel I've said something stupid, I replay it in my head to see how I could have worded it differently, who could have taken offence, was my tone okay, how did people react etc. In short, I'm very insecure and easily rattled. In part, this is due to growing up where my mum constantly pushed us to do better because she wanted better for us "Thats good you got 90%, and I'm proud of you but if you tried a wee bit harder you could get 95%" whereas Dad was more of a "See, you only got 90% because you're too stupid to get 100. And you're ugly. And horrible" (Do you know he used to set me riddles, and hit me if I got them right? Because I was too stupid to get the answer legitimately, and if I got them wrong to avoid a slap, then he told me that was all he expected, stupid me. So in the end up I would rather take a beating and appear knowledgeable that admit defeat)
How does this relate to weight loss?
I think I'm scared of being thin. I could cry right now. I think part of me uses my bulk as a defense, because people feel sorry for "fat" me, so therefor laugh at my unfunny jokes, stories and conversations. Maybe when I'm thin they'll just tell me to fuck off? Find some other friends?
I also use my bulk as a point of defiance I think. I might be fat, but I can work just as hard as a thin person, in fact doubly so. Fat people aren't lazy. I'm not lazy. So there. When I'm thin I'll just be the same. I won't have that push to compete against people.
Today I was told that my approach to certain people was "not confrontational, but.... direct". Now I don't get this. I readily admit that I can be confrontational when you push me, but, I make an extreme effort on placement to be non confrontational, to the extent on last placement I was told I was overly apologetic to the point of annoyance. So I don't get it. Result, now I'm doubting myself even more, and reworking almost every conversation I've had over the past 5 weeks.
Maybe my "directness" is now seen as that because I'm thinner? Maybe if I was still really fat they would feel that wee bit sorry for me and cut me some slack?
That aside, I'm actually quite nervous about getting to goal. I was looking forward to getting rid of all this weight and maintaining a healthy body. What now though, of people think I'm ugly? I won't have that "You'd be a nice looking lassie if you lost some weight or " "aye... but you've got a nice face" to provide a barrier now.
What if I don't like what I see? What if before I just didn't like what I saw because I was fat, but now I won't like what I see because I really am, as I was told growing up, so ugly no-one will ever love me? I am that total waste of space. I am not only ugly, I am a horrible person too.
Also the perfectionism from the whole "acheiving all you can" thing. If I fail outright then fine, I've not just acheived 90% or stuck at a size 14 because I'm not sure I can get to 10 stone and a size 10? Do you know what I mean?
This sounds much more self pitying that I ever intended, and for that I'm sorry. I'm just so confused and upset at the moment, I don't know what else to do. I don't even want to tell anyone in person in case they think I'm a moan and like me even less.
Outwardly I project myself as confident, I have heard myself described as "a laugh" "funny" "life and soul" "straight talking" and various other things which make me sound confident, and a very kind of "My own person" kinda personality. However I only feel like this around certain people, most of the time I am extremely uncertain of myself and lacking in confidence. I feel like I'm useless, fat, lazy, clumsy, ugly and that people only spend time with me because they feel sorry for me. I mean who would want to be my real friend? When I contribute to conversations I immediately feel I've said something stupid, I replay it in my head to see how I could have worded it differently, who could have taken offence, was my tone okay, how did people react etc. In short, I'm very insecure and easily rattled. In part, this is due to growing up where my mum constantly pushed us to do better because she wanted better for us "Thats good you got 90%, and I'm proud of you but if you tried a wee bit harder you could get 95%" whereas Dad was more of a "See, you only got 90% because you're too stupid to get 100. And you're ugly. And horrible" (Do you know he used to set me riddles, and hit me if I got them right? Because I was too stupid to get the answer legitimately, and if I got them wrong to avoid a slap, then he told me that was all he expected, stupid me. So in the end up I would rather take a beating and appear knowledgeable that admit defeat)
How does this relate to weight loss?
I think I'm scared of being thin. I could cry right now. I think part of me uses my bulk as a defense, because people feel sorry for "fat" me, so therefor laugh at my unfunny jokes, stories and conversations. Maybe when I'm thin they'll just tell me to fuck off? Find some other friends?
I also use my bulk as a point of defiance I think. I might be fat, but I can work just as hard as a thin person, in fact doubly so. Fat people aren't lazy. I'm not lazy. So there. When I'm thin I'll just be the same. I won't have that push to compete against people.
Today I was told that my approach to certain people was "not confrontational, but.... direct". Now I don't get this. I readily admit that I can be confrontational when you push me, but, I make an extreme effort on placement to be non confrontational, to the extent on last placement I was told I was overly apologetic to the point of annoyance. So I don't get it. Result, now I'm doubting myself even more, and reworking almost every conversation I've had over the past 5 weeks.
Maybe my "directness" is now seen as that because I'm thinner? Maybe if I was still really fat they would feel that wee bit sorry for me and cut me some slack?
That aside, I'm actually quite nervous about getting to goal. I was looking forward to getting rid of all this weight and maintaining a healthy body. What now though, of people think I'm ugly? I won't have that "You'd be a nice looking lassie if you lost some weight or " "aye... but you've got a nice face" to provide a barrier now.
What if I don't like what I see? What if before I just didn't like what I saw because I was fat, but now I won't like what I see because I really am, as I was told growing up, so ugly no-one will ever love me? I am that total waste of space. I am not only ugly, I am a horrible person too.
Also the perfectionism from the whole "acheiving all you can" thing. If I fail outright then fine, I've not just acheived 90% or stuck at a size 14 because I'm not sure I can get to 10 stone and a size 10? Do you know what I mean?
This sounds much more self pitying that I ever intended, and for that I'm sorry. I'm just so confused and upset at the moment, I don't know what else to do. I don't even want to tell anyone in person in case they think I'm a moan and like me even less.
DAY 42
And that folks is the end of week 7!
How time flies eh? I must be repeating myself because I'm sure I've said that before.
Weight: 12st 1lbs
Going to try for a 12st mark for tomorrow as going to see my CDC, but this means that next week I will definately be in the 11's.
In other news, my period is now a week late. Not pregnant as been peeing on sticks for Britain, but think I must be carrying some water retention about. Also I was mega stressed yesterday and its all a very long story but I went to bed at 7pm.
Slept right through until my alarm went off this morning. I must have needed it.
How time flies eh? I must be repeating myself because I'm sure I've said that before.
Weight: 12st 1lbs
Going to try for a 12st mark for tomorrow as going to see my CDC, but this means that next week I will definately be in the 11's.
In other news, my period is now a week late. Not pregnant as been peeing on sticks for Britain, but think I must be carrying some water retention about. Also I was mega stressed yesterday and its all a very long story but I went to bed at 7pm.
Slept right through until my alarm went off this morning. I must have needed it.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Day 40
Today - well today was... interesting.
I finally bought a mirror, because standing in placement in my undies trying to catch a glimpse of myself in the changing room small mirror, wasn't going to end well. So splashed out £32 on a big stand up mirror.
Came home, had a bath (because I was freezing) and stood in front of it. Now whilst I didn't like what I see, I didn't hate it either. I look... normal(ish). I still have a wee belly but I have a definite hip shape as opposed to just lumpy saddlebags. I have abs. I shit you not. Not a six pack or anything but I can tell once I lose more weight I will have some definition there. My bum is smaller, noticeable and my thighs although still curved at the front and a bit heavy and shaping in.
My calves have a structure! Moving about I can see the bone running down the middle of the leg, previously they just looked kind of cleaved in two lengthways.
My shoulders are much slimmer and I can see shape of a rib cage. My skins not saggy which is good and my upper arms are shaping in nicely. I think I might still have a bit of bingo wingage at the end but I can live with that to be honest.
My face is changing shape too, I can see some cheekbone area emerging.
So I still have a way to go yet, but I'm not looking in the mirror today and thinking "Fat cow. Look at the state of you, you look like a sack of potatoes". Instead I was thinking, if I passed myself in the street I wouldn't look twice.
This is good.
I finally bought a mirror, because standing in placement in my undies trying to catch a glimpse of myself in the changing room small mirror, wasn't going to end well. So splashed out £32 on a big stand up mirror.
Came home, had a bath (because I was freezing) and stood in front of it. Now whilst I didn't like what I see, I didn't hate it either. I look... normal(ish). I still have a wee belly but I have a definite hip shape as opposed to just lumpy saddlebags. I have abs. I shit you not. Not a six pack or anything but I can tell once I lose more weight I will have some definition there. My bum is smaller, noticeable and my thighs although still curved at the front and a bit heavy and shaping in.
My calves have a structure! Moving about I can see the bone running down the middle of the leg, previously they just looked kind of cleaved in two lengthways.
My shoulders are much slimmer and I can see shape of a rib cage. My skins not saggy which is good and my upper arms are shaping in nicely. I think I might still have a bit of bingo wingage at the end but I can live with that to be honest.
My face is changing shape too, I can see some cheekbone area emerging.
So I still have a way to go yet, but I'm not looking in the mirror today and thinking "Fat cow. Look at the state of you, you look like a sack of potatoes". Instead I was thinking, if I passed myself in the street I wouldn't look twice.
This is good.
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Day 39
righty - exam today. Don't think it went spectacularly well, but its done now.
Menu: 3 shakes
Drinks: 2.5 L of water, 1 of green tea and a coffee
Mood: Okay all things considered
Cheats: None
Exercise: I did about a hours worth of walking today to and from uni to placement.
Weight: 12st 3lbs bang on
Menu: 3 shakes
Drinks: 2.5 L of water, 1 of green tea and a coffee
Mood: Okay all things considered
Cheats: None
Exercise: I did about a hours worth of walking today to and from uni to placement.
Weight: 12st 3lbs bang on
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Day 37
How time flies.
Menu: 3 random shakes, porridge and tomato soup all finished. Gutted, really enjoying the tomato soup. which is strange because I hated it first time around
Drinks: Trying for 2.5L of water today, with say 1L of tea
Mood: Alright I suppose, getting a bit fed up.
Weight: 12st 3lbs
Cheats: None.
When I say i'm getting a bit fed up, its the stage I get to with any diet. I do really well for a long time and then think I deserve a break, and after that one meal/day off/weekend I'll get straight back on. Of course that rarely happens and the time between breaks agets shorter and shorter, so I really need to just get my head down and get on with it I suppose.
Not got long to Go. 1 stone and 3lbs until I reach a BMI of 25 and I HAVE to come off SS, so thats what 5-6 weeks? If I've come this far I can do another 5-6 weeks and thats it!
I was walking around Tesco yesterday and thier posh pickled onions were down to 50p. I was so tempted, but pickled onions aren't getting me to goal. CD is. So, on with it and Hopefully by the time I'm typing Day 70-Day 73 I'll be at BMI 25.
Menu: 3 random shakes, porridge and tomato soup all finished. Gutted, really enjoying the tomato soup. which is strange because I hated it first time around
Drinks: Trying for 2.5L of water today, with say 1L of tea
Mood: Alright I suppose, getting a bit fed up.
Weight: 12st 3lbs
Cheats: None.
When I say i'm getting a bit fed up, its the stage I get to with any diet. I do really well for a long time and then think I deserve a break, and after that one meal/day off/weekend I'll get straight back on. Of course that rarely happens and the time between breaks agets shorter and shorter, so I really need to just get my head down and get on with it I suppose.
Not got long to Go. 1 stone and 3lbs until I reach a BMI of 25 and I HAVE to come off SS, so thats what 5-6 weeks? If I've come this far I can do another 5-6 weeks and thats it!
I was walking around Tesco yesterday and thier posh pickled onions were down to 50p. I was so tempted, but pickled onions aren't getting me to goal. CD is. So, on with it and Hopefully by the time I'm typing Day 70-Day 73 I'll be at BMI 25.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Day 34
Not much to report really.
Weight moving slowly but this is as expected, due to binge on Sunday night. All own fault, no excuses and will take punishment like a pro.
Weight this morning 12st 5lbs.
Although its "only" a pound, I'm still moving down the way so I am actually quite pleased. I've got rid of
10lbs
1.5 lbs
5.5 lbs
4.75 lbs
1 lbs (so far)
Over 5 weeks I think thats amazing. I'm rathet pleased.
Keep on rockin' guys - see you over the weekend hopefully.
Weight moving slowly but this is as expected, due to binge on Sunday night. All own fault, no excuses and will take punishment like a pro.
Weight this morning 12st 5lbs.
Although its "only" a pound, I'm still moving down the way so I am actually quite pleased. I've got rid of
10lbs
1.5 lbs
5.5 lbs
4.75 lbs
1 lbs (so far)
Over 5 weeks I think thats amazing. I'm rathet pleased.
Keep on rockin' guys - see you over the weekend hopefully.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Day 29
Just a quickie folks. Off to meet counsellor today for another weeks supply, as can't make next Saturday due to placement shift. Husband might be starting this diet too! Have to pick up a few shakes for him to try whilst I am at CDCs and let him taste them first.
Menu: Choc tetra, Peanut bar and a shake
Drinks: Coffee whilst out today, aiming for 3L of water
Mood: Determined and calm. Quite relaxed actually
Cheats: None - Not cheated in a such a long time, and its now easier to not think about it than it was.
Weight: 12 st 6
Go me. Well pleased with self.
Menu: Choc tetra, Peanut bar and a shake
Drinks: Coffee whilst out today, aiming for 3L of water
Mood: Determined and calm. Quite relaxed actually
Cheats: None - Not cheated in a such a long time, and its now easier to not think about it than it was.
Weight: 12 st 6
Go me. Well pleased with self.
Friday, 1 May 2009
Day 28
Well folks - this is the end of week 4. I'm going to do a wee recap here and this might be a fairly lengthy post.
For the past 4 weeks I have stuck to CD Sole Source, I have at times found it hard but most of the time its just knuckling in, getting on with it and the past 4 weeks have went past fairly quickly.
The down times:
At times feeling hungry, I know that ketosis should have meant that this wouldn't happen, but at times I kow its been hungry and my stomachs been grumbling away.
At times feeling a bit washed out and tired.
Feeling like I'm never going to get there.
The Up times:
Getting rid of a stone and a half in 4 weeks.
Feeling thinner, feeling clothes getting looser
Knowing that I am on my way to my goal weight
Week 4 recap.
Weight lost - 1.5 stones
Start weight - 14 stone
Current weight - 12 stone 7lbs
Measurements - The same? I think I'm doing this wrong, I can't have lost a stone and a half and not went down in size.
Dress size - Don't know. Am going to go out shopping in a few days an dtry some clothes on, and see how I get on
Mood - Overall has been positive. Today I was on a bit of a downer, but honestly overall I've not felt deprived or neglected. Generally very determined and positive.
For the past 4 weeks I have stuck to CD Sole Source, I have at times found it hard but most of the time its just knuckling in, getting on with it and the past 4 weeks have went past fairly quickly.
The down times:
At times feeling hungry, I know that ketosis should have meant that this wouldn't happen, but at times I kow its been hungry and my stomachs been grumbling away.
At times feeling a bit washed out and tired.
Feeling like I'm never going to get there.
The Up times:
Getting rid of a stone and a half in 4 weeks.
Feeling thinner, feeling clothes getting looser
Knowing that I am on my way to my goal weight
Week 4 recap.
Weight lost - 1.5 stones
Start weight - 14 stone
Current weight - 12 stone 7lbs
Measurements - The same? I think I'm doing this wrong, I can't have lost a stone and a half and not went down in size.
Dress size - Don't know. Am going to go out shopping in a few days an dtry some clothes on, and see how I get on
Mood - Overall has been positive. Today I was on a bit of a downer, but honestly overall I've not felt deprived or neglected. Generally very determined and positive.
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